Are there life principles that you used to live by, but now you don\u2019t? Have you ever allowed someone to spook you to such an extent that you change your behavior? It\u2019s natural to let someone\u2019s bad reaction derail us from doing what we know needs to be done. I encounter this reality so often as I speak with people across the country about communication issues that I have a name for it: The Halloween Principle \u2013 because people get spooked, and then they start living according to fear rather than the life principles they believe in.<\/p>\n
The sad part is we often do this subconsciously, meaning that we\u2019re unaware of how much a past situation is affecting our present. If left unnoticed and unchecked, our changed behavior could even alter our future.<\/p>\n
It often takes someone to point it out before we can say to ourselves, \u201cThat is so true. I know what needs to be done and I know certain life principles work, but I\u2019m not living that way.\u201d<\/p>\n
To help you see whether you\u2019ve been spooked, let\u2019s look at a few life principles that most people believe in but have trouble living by because the Halloween Principle has taken over.<\/p>\n
1<\/strong>.Honesty Is the Best Policy The result is that people don\u2019t get their issues handled. In our personal lives this can lead to all kinds of trouble. Spouses fall out of love and get divorced. Kids fear telling Considering all these negative ramifications, why do people continue to withhold, spin, and alter the truth when they know that honesty is integral to fixing problems? After all, someone can\u2019t fix a problem if they don\u2019t know about the problem.<\/p>\n When I ask people why they withhold or spin the truth, they often say, \u201cI used to be more honest and straightforward. But awhile back, I was in a situation and\u2026.\u201d 2The Law of Reflection<\/strong> Most people know this is a sound principle to live by, but few implement it to it its fullest capability. For example, sometimes a person chooses not to give as much as they could because in the past they encountered someone who took and took \u2013 and kept on taking until they drained that person dry. So that person allowed someone\u2019s selfishness to stop them from giving their heart and soul to others. In other words, they allowed the person to spook them and started to live by the Halloween Principle.<\/p>\n On further reflection, this person may realize that we all run into selfish people from time to time, even people so selfish that they\u2019ll take advantage of others. But that is no reason to stop living the Law of Reflection — because there are always exceptions to the rule. In general, however, the more we give and help out others — whether that\u2019s our boss, our co-workers, our employees, our spouse, or our \u00a0<\/p>\n Here are a few practical recommendations for disarming the Halloween Principle:<\/p>\n 1. Separate:<\/span><\/strong> When you feel an internal disconnect between the way you want to live and the way you currently are living, try to remember when that disconnect started. Then ask yourself why you\u2019re allowing that situation to continue to affect you. Maybe it is time to separate from the situation by forgiving and letting go. If you can\u2019t let it go yet, implement some practices to work on it. If you are not sure of one, contact us and we can give you some simple recommendations that produce a profound effect.<\/p>\n 2. Counteract<\/strong>: There are several ways to counteract the Halloween Principle. First, surround yourself with people who have the attributes you want to live by. If you believe
\n<\/strong>Most people I meet believe that honesty is the best policy. They may even believe they live by it. But on further examination, they don\u2019t. When they are upset, they stuff what they are thinking and feeling and tell others that things are okay. Or when people ask them for feedback, they spin their answers to sound nice and pleasant out of fear that if they say what they really think, that person will get defensive and react badly.<\/p>\n
\ntheir parents the truth or just don\u2019t feel comfortable talking, so they stop talking with their parents and get advice and support from peers instead. Good friends get annoyed or angry, drop out of communication, and friendships slips away. When issues aren\u2019t handled in our professional lives, program and project problems can escalate into bigger problems; good employees get fed up and leave, and clients and customers stop hiring us.<\/p>\n
\nAnd then they proceed to tell me how a boss, a spouse, a co-worker, or a friend got upset when they spoke the truth and took it out on them in one way or another. No wonder
\npeople get spooked.<\/p>\n
\nThe Law of Reflection says that whatever we give out in life, we tend to get back. You may say it another way: what goes around comes around, you reap what you sow, do unto others, but it\u2019s all the Law of Reflection.<\/p>\n
\nfriends \u2014 the better our life will work.
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\n<\/em><\/span>Choose to Overcome the Spook<\/strong>
\nNo principle will always work out just right. But as a whole, these life principles do work and provide benefits to us and to others For that reason, we have to stop letting people spook us. We need to make our choices and live by our principles rather than allowing others to derail us and dictate how we\u2019re living. When we become aware of the Halloween Principle, it gives us the power to choose a different course of action\u2014 the one we know is right for us.<\/p>\n
\nthat honesty is the best policy, make sure the people around you are willing to tell you the truth and who won\u2019t get defensive as you speak your truth. If you want to live by the Law of Reflection, then choose to be around people who try to help out and give value to others. Another important key to counteracting the Halloween Principle is to read books and articles, listen to podcasts and radio broadcasts, and watch DVDs that provide
\ninformation, advice, and encouragement to live by the principles that are important to you. Remember this: insights can happen in an instant, but sustained change takes effort, reinforcement, and reminders.<\/p>\n